Honey

image from liquorstorebear.com
image from liquorstorebear.com

Kat lifted a hand to shield her eyes from the brightness of the New York summer sun, then glanced down at her watch.

“How much time is left until the monotony of daily life continues?” John asked from the bench beside her, muffled from a mouthful of sandwich.

“Twenty minutes.” Kat glanced sidelong at him, smiling. “You have food on your chin,” she said, and laughed when John’s cheeks flushed crimson and he hastily swabbed at his face. “What’s Mom got cooking for you today?” she teased. She knew it was mean to mock the poor guy, but any man over thirty who blushed like that had it coming.

“Honey,” he muttered, eyes cast down at the wrapping on his lap. “She’s convinced I’m still ten.”

“Oh, Johnny Appleseed,” Kat said in her best Jersey accent, “I’ve got a honey sandwich for my honey baby.”

“And your mother is any better?”

“My mother makes me eat borscht until I’m sick,” Kat said, shrugging and toying with the end of her ponytail. Something shot across the sky above them, and she followed the flight of a large white bird.

John followed her gaze. “Oh. Look who’s come to say hello.”

Kat bit the inside of her lip to keep from grimacing as the white bird descended and she caught sight of the brown cape and green accents. “He means well,” she said, shrugging again.

Norman landed with absurd grace and jogged over, face flushed and beaming. She smiled as he approached, and wondered for the millionth time how his hair managed to stay perfectly in place when he was shooting around the city in the jetstreams. “Babe!” he called, grinning as he waved. “How much time do you have left on your lunch?”

Kat glanced at her watch again. “A little under twenty minutes. Why?” she asked as he stopped in front of them in all his ridiculous muscular glory.

He grinned and tapped the pouches at his belt. “Twenty minutes? Neat. I’m gonna rock your world.”

Kat felt her face heat up and heard John mutter obscenities under his breath beside her. “Norman, you remember John?”

Norman looked at John, eyes round and startled as if he hadn’t even noticed there was another person next to her. “Oh. Hi. I’m Landman.”

“I know who you are,” John said, glaring narrowly up at him. Kat wondered if the scowl was from the sunlight or Norman’s presence. “Your symbol looks like a pile of shit,” he mumbled, too quietly for Norman to hear.

“You’ll catch more flies with honey,” Kat reminded him, and was rewarded with a small smile. “Can you rock my world later, Norman? I have to go back to work soon.”

Unfazed, Norman beamed. “Sure thing, babe. Catch ya later.” With a sloppy salute, he backed away, bent his knees, and fumbled into the sky, leaving Kat and John on their bench in the park surrounded by the remains of a honey sandwich.

Superhero names!

Thanks to playing a whole lot of Saints Row the Third (and maybe a little to do with having seen the Dark Knight Rises three times already), I have an overwhelming urge to write a story involving superheroes. I have a basic plot sketched out – it would be light-hearted, humourous, while poking fun at superhero stereotypes. I was going to set it in 1950s New York – because everything bad happens to New York – but as I know nothing about New York, it’s being set in Vancouver instead.

The main character, Clara Butler, is a twenty-something woman who cooks and cleans the house of a wealthy entrepreneur, and secretly has super strength and can shoot blasts of energy. Donning a costume, she goes out and performs vigilante justice. She can’t fly and can’t afford a nice car, so she has to wait through traffic in order to get to the heists and she’s a woman, so she’s an awful driver. However, stealing all the credit for her work is another costumed hero, this one a man who ends up being praised by the public and police, because he’s always there when the cops show, after Clara has left. She’s bitter, and goes about trying to stop him from stealing her thunder. Plus some other stuff, but we’ll keep that on the DL in case I actually finish this WIP.

So my issue is this: How does one name superheroes without sounding too hokey? It’s got to have some degree of ridiculousness, because I do intend to mock stereotypical heroes, and it’s just not a good superhero without a dumb name.

Does anyone have any thoughts on names? I’m currently empty-handed, and would love to hear whatever insane suggestions you all can come up with.